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Aaron Writes Volume 15
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Aaron Writes
Volume 15
Redundancy
June 1, 2006
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Hello: This is the 15th issue of Aaron Writes, the writing newsletter of Aaron
Language Services (ALS). We issue Aaron Writes monthly. Each issue examines
one writing topic and includes a section on business English. Our writing topic
this month covers redundancy in writing. Our business English section this month
covers requests and requirements. We hope the newsletter is helpful for you.
Aaron Writes is also happy to answer reader questions. If you have a question
about writing, please email director@aaronlanguage.com in English, and we will
answer your question in a future issue of Aaron Writes. Please specify how you
would like your name signed. If you would like the letter to be anonymous, that
is fine too.
Contents
1. Writing Topic - Redundancy in Writing
2. Business English - Requests and Requirements
1. Redundancy in Writing
Revising a document to make the English read better is a task that requires
work on a number of levels: grammar, syntax, word choice, variety, punctuation,
spelling. One level of improvement is redundancy.
Redundancy in writing is repeating text in unnecessary ways. One example of
redundancy is the following:
Example #1
Most of the people I work with eat lunch in their offices.
At first glance, you may not see any redundant words.
However, look at the revised example:
Revised example
Most people I work with eat lunch in their offices.
The revised example provides the same message but does so without the
unnecessary ‘of the.’
Let’s work with another example:
Example #2
All of us eat lunch in our offices.
In example #2, taking ‘of us’ out of the sentence changes the intended meaning:
Revised example
All eat lunch in their offices.
‘Our’ has to become ‘their’ because ‘all’ does not include the idea that
the writer is part of group. Without ‘of us,’ ‘all’ becomes a third person
pronoun rather than a first person pronoun as in example #2.
The revised example does not express the same meaning as the original example.
In example #2, the ‘of us’ needs to remain in the sentence.
Let’s return to the revised example #1.
Most people I work with eat lunch in their offices.
The revised example is a perfectly good sentence. However, you may think
the sentence is not particularly interesting. I agree. The sentence is rather ordinary.
By adding a couple of modifiers, we create more attention-grabbing versions:
1. Most people I work with quickly eat their take-out pasta or sandwiches on
sour dough bread in their offices with their work spread out around their food.
2. Most people at the office get take-out pasta salads or hot sour dough
sandwiches and eat lunch while they continue checking their documents.
You may not always want to include modifiers, and the purpose of this section
is not to suggest that they are always necessary. Our purpose is to let you
know that if you want to create a more appealing text, modifiers are help you
do so.
-----------PR---- 翻訳とライティングについてのエッセイ -----------
アーロン ランゲージ サービス ウェブサイトでは、法律文書、
科学文書、技術文書、日本文化に関する文書についてのエッセイおよび、
ライティング、編集、校正、翻訳についてのエッセイを英語で
掲載しています。また、ビジネス、科学技術、IT、情報セキュリティー、
医療分野の翻訳、科学論文の英文作成 ・ 翻訳などについての
日本語によるエッセイも掲載しています。これらのエッセイは内外を
問わず各種分野に精通した専門家や翻訳者による著述で、
広範囲にわたる文化的側面やあらゆる側面を反映したものです。
http://aaronlanguage.com/main_essay_page.htmにてご覧ください。
日本語のエッセイ
ビジネス翻訳における訳語の選択
マーケティング翻訳について
産業 ・ 工業翻訳 （ インダストリアルトランスレーション ） 専門知識は何処まで必要？
初めて英語で科学論文を書くとき
科学論文英訳者からお客様への助言
特許翻訳の特殊性 「 契約書英日 ・ 日英翻訳 」 の品質と生産性の向上を目指して
英文契約書の翻訳上達への対策
英文契約書の基本的な共通構成要素を体得する
国際取引と英文契約書の翻訳 （ 英日 ・ 日英 ）
法律 ・ 契約文書の翻訳は英語構文と日本語構文を考えて訳出
日本語と英文契約書 ： 日米間の契約スタイルの違い
法律文書の翻訳過程について
契約文書 （ 国際契約 ） の翻訳に求められる資質
英日技術翻訳の問題点
技術翻訳の特徴と難しさ
技術翻訳との出会い
分かりやすい技術翻訳 （ 社内翻訳編 ）
翻訳における知識と IT 翻訳の特徴について
情報セキュリティと責任 ( 翻訳の観点から )
脅迫警報？
これまで翻訳業務に携わって思ったこと （ PCマニュアル翻訳の観点から ）
翻訳メモリツールの長所と短所
翻訳ツールとしてのWordと一太郎 （ ATOK ）
医薬、医療翻訳の品質を高めるために必要なことは何か
医療論文の書き方とその翻訳についての覚書 — 英語になることを拒む論文
医療翻訳，医薬翻訳 — 三ヶ国語の海で泳ぎ疲れて
行政翻訳 ( bureaucratic translation ) は役所言葉の解読作業
翻訳における諸問題
技術翻訳者のメモ帳からー日本語独特の曖昧さの表現
ネイティブスピーカーから学んだ外国語の書き方 — 17年の翻訳経験から言えること
英文校正について
翻訳クラスの窓から
スペイン語翻訳—スペイン系それともラテンアメリカ系か
団塊の世代の大量定年時代と翻訳熱の高まりに想う
英語のエッセイ
下記英文エッセイのうちの幾つかは既に和訳版も掲載しておりますが、
現在英文のみ掲載しているものも、今後和訳を掲載する予定です。
Write, Edit, Proof
Translate, Edit, Proof: The Process of Changing a Thesis from Japanese to English
Ten style errors that Japanese translators of English make
Four Elements of Good Legal Writing
What is Good English Science Writing?
Watson and Crick and Good Science Writing
Two Approaches to Improving Technical Writing
Ten Fundamentals of Technical Writing
Some Common Errors in Medical English Writing Word Usage
More Common Errors in Medical English Writing Word Usage
English Medical Writing and Human Emotions: Confidence and Empathy
Universal Medical English Writing
Japanese to English Translations with English Type Logic and Japanese to English Translations with Japanese Type Logic
Japanese and English Resumes: 13 Key Differences
Translating Reference Letters from Japanese to English
Writing About Japanese Food for Tourists and People Interested in Japanese Culture
High Tech, Poor Writing
From English to German - Anglicisms
英語のエッセイの和訳
英文執筆、英文編集、英文校正
和英翻訳、英文編集、英文校正 ： 日本語論文の英訳プロセス
分かりやすい英文サイエンスライティングとは
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2. Business English - Requests and Requirements
Requests and requirements are handled differently in Japanese and English.
Requirements stated in Japanese often sound like requests when they are
translated into English.
If such polite forms for requirements are used, people may often be surprised
when these requirements are not met.
For example, a Japanese business person might write to an American company
saying, we would like to purchase some of your equipment. We hope that you
can modify the equipment so that…
The chances are very good that what the Japanese business person means is:
We would like to buy some of your equipment if you can modify it for us so that…
This is perfectly acceptable English while the following is not:
We would like to buy some of your equipment. You must modify it.
The sentence saying that the equipment must be modified is rude.
It is an order and just as there are polite ways to say orders in Japanese,
there are also polite ways in English.
Here are several polite examples:
1) We would like to buy some of your equipment and would appreciate
it if you can modify it so that…
2) We are interested in buying some of your equipment, but we hope that
the equipment be able to…
3) If you can modify your equipment, this would really be helpful for us.
However, the three examples above are to be avoided because the language
does not clearly indicate that the changes are requirements. The three examples
are requests rather than requirements.
Here are a number of acceptable ways to express a requirement:
1) We would like to buy some of your equipment if the equipment can do
the following:
2) We are interested in buying some of your equipment, but it is essential
that the equipment be able to…
3) If you can modify your equipment, this would enable us to place an order.
Different cultures handle requests and requirements in different ways. If you
are writing in English make sure that your requirements are clear but polite.
------------------PR-----Our Writing Program-----------------------
ALSでは英文ライティングに興味を持っている方々を対象に、
英文ライティングオンライン通信講座を開講し、随時受付中です。
講師は全員北米出身で、言語学などの博士課程修了者。
すべて英語による直接指導なので高い効果が期待できます。
弊社サイトhttp://www.aaronlanguage.com/writing.htmをご覧ください。
交信はすべて英語となります。
日本語でのお問合せは、englishplus@aaronlanguage.comまで。
Aaron Language Services is now working online to help writers improve
their writing skills. If your goal is to improve your writing for work or
pleasure -- business, academic, or creative -- please contact Aaron
Language Services for information about the Aaron writing program.
Writing is speaking to the eyes rather than the ears. We know when we
express our thoughts well in English because people respond positively.
They listen to us. If you think others see your words, but your ideas are
sometimes not clear enough, you might consider our Short Four/Five Paper
Course, which is one of our ten-week Aaron writing modules. Every other
week for eight weeks, you will write a short paper. Aaron will read your
writing. After the Aaron reading, you and Aaron will have an online dialogue
about your writing. Aaron will correct grammar problems. More importantly
though, we will make suggestions for writing improvements: going deeper
into the writing: expressing yourself better, using key words that convey
your meaning, sounding more natural in English. For the finale -- the ninth
week, you will choose the short paper that you like best and turn it into a
longer paper. Naturally, guidance in proofreading and editing your own
writing is a key component in our writing program.
Aaron now offers a variety of writing modules. If you would like to
discuss an individualized writing program, please email
englishplus@aaronlanguage.com. Our main page for writing lessons is at
http://www.aaronlanguage.com/writing.htm
Please take a look at the courses we offer.
You can also visit our new site at http://www.aaroncoaches.com,
which focuses on writing lessons. We will soon be listing new courses
at both sites in addition to those listed below:
初級 レッスン
初級 Ｅメール レッスン
初級 映画 レッスン
初級 動物 レッスン
中級 Ｅメール レッスン
中級 ビジネス Ｅメール レッスン
中級 映画 レッスン
中級 動物 レッスン
上級 ビジネス
上級 人生経験
上級 映画 — エッセイの構成
上級 動物 — エッセイの構成
ライティング 中級 翻訳 - 一般翻訳
ライティング 上級 翻訳 - 一般翻訳
ライティング 上級 翻訳 - ビジネス翻訳
ライティング 上級 翻訳 - 技術翻訳
****** PR ***** ALSの翻訳、英文校正、添削サービス****************
ALSは、カリフォルニア州サンフランシスコに拠点を置き、翻訳、英文校正、添削、
編集、リライト、ウェブデザイン、英文ライティング指導等の総合サービスを提供中！
医療から論文にいたるまで、高品質な翻訳・校正サービスをお求めなら、
ALSにお任せください。
多言語サービスにも対応可能。
日本文化に精通した日本在住のネイティブとのコラボレーションにより
リーズナブルな料金で高品質なサービスを提供いたします。
ALSはグローバル体制で24時間対応。
翻訳品質、顧客対応共にベストな翻訳サービスを提供します。
（なお、お支払いには日本国内の銀行口座をご利用いただけます）。
アーロン・ランゲージ・サービス ( ALS )：http://www.aaronlanguage.com
代表者連絡先 ( 日本語 ) ：honyaku@aaronlanguage.com
**********************************************************************
ALS also issues Aaron Says every month. Each regular issue contains
three sections on different topics, and each special issue focuses on one
topic. We hope these topics will help you with your translation, English
writing, and knowledge of America and the Western world.
Some issues also include special sections on translation in the news;
where we cover translation to and from Spanish, French, German, Italian,
Portuguese, Dutch, Greek, Swedish, Norwegian, Danish, and other
languages in Europe and around the world. Other issues will include sections
about culture and life in Spain, France, Germany, Italy, Portugal, Brazil,
Holland, Greece, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and other countries.
For more information on Aaron Language Services please visit our site at
http://www.aaronlanguage.com. If you click on 英文ライティングお役立ち,
you will find more help at our site. Our site also shows the proofreading,
writing, translation, and web design services that we offer.
If you would like to ask any English related questions, please send them
to director@aaronlanguage.com
Let us know if you would like to see your questions answered with a
response in Aaron Writes. We can publish your questions anonymously
or with your name. Please let us know which you would prefer.
***** Business Writing Questions Wanted ********************
Do you have a question about business writing in the English speaking
world? If so, we would appreciate your sending the question to
director@aaronlanguage.com and we will be happy to put it in our next
issue. We might want to edit your English so it looks more natural.
We can use your name or not as you like. Please let us know.
当メールマガジンへのご意見・ご質問等、お気軽にお寄せください。
英文における疑問から、内容へのご意見にいたるまで、
下記アドレスまでお気軽にお問合せください。
english@aaronlanguage.com.
お寄せいただいたご意見・ご質問等は、同メールマガジン内にて
紹介させていただくことがございます。
また、ご質問等で返信をご希望される場合には、
その旨、お知らせください。
ALSのスタッフより、お返事させていただきます。
Aaron Writes is a publication of Aaron Language Services.
日本における英語翻訳、英文校正、他言語翻訳、他言語校正などの代表者連絡先 ： honyaku@aaronlanguage.com
アメリカのカリフォルニア州サンフランシスコに拠点を置く翻訳 （ 英語、和英、英和、日英、英日、論文翻訳等 ）、英文校正、多言語翻訳、多言語校正、ネットスクールの英文ライティング指導等の総合サービス。
ALSはグローバル体制で24時間対応。
（ なお、お支払いには日本国内の銀行口座をご利用いただけます ）。
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