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Aaron Writes Volume 5
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Aaron Writes
Volume 5
Wordiness in Writing
August 1, 2005
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Hello: This is the 5th issue of Aaron Writes, the writing newsletter of Aaron Language Services (ALS) http://www.aaronlanguage.com. We issue Aaron Writes monthly. Each issue examines one writing topic. Our topic this month is wordiness in writing. Each issue also includes two trivia questions about writing and writers. The questions and answers are scattered throughout the entire issue. We hope you will find the trivia interesting. Aaron Writes is also happy to answer reader questions. If you have any questions about writing, please email director@aaronlanguage.com in English, and we will answer your question in a future issue of Aaron Says. Please specify how you would like your name signed. If you would like the letter to be anonymous, that is fine too.
-------------------------- WORDINESS --------------------------
This issue of Aaron Writes will examine the topic of wordiness. This is a very important topic for writing. Good writing is not wordy. Every word is there because it has meaning and because it says something. Words that do not say anything do not help to get the message across. They just make the writing longer. Length has nothing to do with quality. The fact that quantity is important to students who have assignments has no connection with good writing. When a student is told to write 500 words, the teacher wants 500 good words. The teacher does not want 300 good words and 200 words of padding.
All writers are wordy in the first version of something they write. It cannot be avoided. The trick, however, is to get rid of the wordiness through editing. Reducing the number of words then makes the writing stronger and more powerful. This is an important skill to practice if you want to improve your writing.
What did you think of the two paragraphs above? Did they seem poorly written? They
were, but they were only the first version. There were 164 words. What can we do with
the two paragraphs? First, we can delete 'the fact that.' It is an unnecessary expression. We can substitute 'is inevitable' for 'cannot be avoided.' Look at the version below and see what other changes have been made in the second version.
Version 2
This issue will examine wordiness, which is very important topic for good writing. Every word in good writing is there because it has meaning. Words without meaning do not communicate anything. They just make the writing longer. Length has nothing to do with quality. Quantity is important to students who have assignments is unrelated to good writing. When a student is told to write 500 words, the teacher wants 500 good words- not 300 good words and 200 words of padding. All writers are wordy in a first version when they write. It is inevitable. The key is rid the writing of wordiness through editing. Reducing the number of words makes the writing more powerful. Practicing
this is important to improve your writing.
Version 2 is 123 words, approximately 25% shorter, but the meaning remains the same. Cutting unnecessary words also resulted in all the words fitting in one paragraph. Let's
see what we can do with a third version.
Version 3
This issue will examine wordiness, which is very important for good writing. Every word in good writing has meaning. Words without meaning do not communicate, only lengthening the writing. Length is unrelated to quality. Quantity is important to
students with assignments, but teachers want quality - 500 words means 500 good words - not 300 good words and 200 words of padding. All writers start out with wordy versions. It is inevitable. The key is to eliminating wordiness is editing. Reducing the words empowers the writing. Practicing this is important to write
better.
Version 3 was 93 words. Let's see what we can do with a fourth version.
Version 4
This issue will examine wordiness, which is very important for good writing. Every word in good writing has meaning. Words without meaning do not communicate, only
lengthening the writing. Length is unrelated to quality. Quantity is important to students with assignments, but teachers want quality - 500 words means 500 good words - not 300 good words and 200 words of padding. All writers inevitably start out with wordy
versions. The key to eliminating wordiness is editing. Reducing words empowers writing. Practicing this is important to write better.
Version 4 reduced the initial 164 words to 88 words, slightly over half. Version 4 also
deleted a mistake the writer did not see in an earlier version. Did you catch it? Let's try a fifth version.
Version 5
This issue will examine wordiness, which is very important for good writing. Every word in good writing has meaning. Words without meaning do not communicate, only lengthening the writing. Length is unrelated to quality. Quantity is important to students with assignments, but teachers want quality- 500 words means 500 good words - not 300 good words and 200 words of padding. All writers inevitably start out with wordy
versions. The key to eliminating wordiness is editing. Reducing words empowers writing. Practicing this is important to write better.
It looks the same as Version 4, doesn't it? That is because it is. So, the writer sent it to another writer for feedback.
Version 6
This issue will examine wordiness. Each and every word in good writing has meaning. Meaningless words do not communicate but only lengthen the writing. Length is not
related to quality. Quantity is important to students with assignments, but teachers
want quality - 500 words means 500 good words - not 300 first-rate words and 200 words of pillow stuffing. Many writers inevitably begin with wordy versions. The key to eliminating wordiness is editing. Reducing wordiness makes writing stronger. Practicing
word reduction is an important writing skill.
The second writer sent it back after going through one more version, the final 86 word
product above. If you compare Version 6 to Version 1, you'll notice several differences.
It is also important to remember that Version 6 could still be improved. Writing can
almost always be improved. Still, writers have to stop somewhere.
1. Version 6 has 86 words, 78 fewer words.
2. Version 6 has few extra words.
3. In fact, the writer of the last version wanted to add some ideas to the text. She
thought Version 5 used a global statement, and she wanted to avoid using such statements.
Global statements are generalizations such as the following:
a) Everybody loves ice cream.
b) People want to be happy.
c) Countries want peace.
Global statements are usually incorrect. They usually express the thinking of some people but not all people. Version 6 discusses some writers, but not all writers.
Version 6 also has one other editing change.
Version 5: Reducing words empowers writing.
Version 6: Reducing wordiness makes writing stronger.
Version 6 uses a pattern for the above sentence. The pattern is gerund word word gerund word. Version 5 is a perfectly good grammatical sentence, but the second writer liked the gerund pattern in Version 6.
Version 6 emphasizes "word" in the second sentence.
Version 5: Each word
Version 6: Each and every word
Version 6 emphasizes "word"
The last change in Version 6 was from padding to pillow stuffing.
Version 5: "200 words of padding."
Version 6: "200 words of pillow stuffing."
If you think about wordiness, you will be able to strengthen your writing by going through the same process done above. If you think about the additional suggestions for strengthening writing, you might discover other approaches to strengthen your own writing. In future issues of Aaron Writes, we will return to global statements, patterns in writing, word emphasis, and metaphors.
**************** Trivia Question ****************
What American novel written for children of approximately junior high school age features a young silversmith at the time of the American Revolution? This book won the
Newbery award over 60 years ago.
--------------------- Our Writing Program ---------------------
Aaron Language Services is now working online to help writers improve their writing
skills. If your goal is to improve your writing for work or pleasure -- business,
academic, or creative -- please contact Aaron Language Services for information about the Aaron writing program.
Writing is speaking to the eyes rather than the ears. We know when we express our
thoughts well in English because people respond positively. They listen to us. If you
think others see your words, but your ideas are sometimes not clear enough, you might
consider our Short Four/Five Paper Course, which is one of our ten-week Aaron writing modules. Every other week for eight weeks, you will write a short paper. Aaron will read
your writing. After the Aaron reading, you and Aaron will have an online dialogue about your writing. Aaron will correct grammar problems. More importantly though, we will
make suggestions for writing improvements: going deeper into the writing: expressing yourself better, using key words that convey your meaning, sounding more natural in
English. For the finale -- the ninth week, you will choose the short paper that you like
best and turn it into a longer paper. Naturally, guidance in proofreading and editing your own writing is a key component in our writing program.
Aaron now offers a variety of writing modules as well as ongoing courses. If you would
like to discuss the possibility of an individualized writing program, please email
director@aaronlanguage.com.
-------------------- Trivia Answer --------------------
Johnny Tremaine by Esther Forbes. Reading this book will give you a view of the kind of
reading American students do in junior high school. Many students even younger read
this book on their own.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ PR ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
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英文ライティングオンライン通信講座を開講し、随時受付中です。
講師は全員北米出身で、言語学などの博士課程修了者。
すべて英語による直接指導なので高い効果が期待できます。
ALSサイトhttp://www.aaronlanguage.com/writing.htmをご覧ください。
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------------------- Trivia Question -------------------
What famous writer who has sold millions of novels of horror and suspense is said to
sleep with the light on because he is scared of the dark?
**************************************************************
ALS also issues Aaron Says every month. Each issue contains three sections on different topics. We hope these topics will help you with your translation, English writing, and knowledge of America and the Western world. For more information on Aaron
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***************** Trivia Answer *****************
Stephen King. If we wrote books like that, we would be scared of the dark too!
------------------------ PR ------------------------
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文法的に正しいことはもちろん、
自然で魅力的な英文が書けるよう指導します。
お問い合わせは、director@aaronlanguage.com まで。
交信はすべて英語となります。
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************** Trivia Questions Wanted **************
Do you have a trivia question about your favorite writer or a book in the English speaking world? Send it to director@aaronlanguage.com and we will be happy to put it in our next issue. We reserve the write to edit your English so it looks more natural. We can use your name or not as you like. Please let us know.
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